There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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