Do vagina's smell?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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