Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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