Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
