i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
