But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
