carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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