That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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