id be glad to
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
