This is not my ceiling
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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