Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
