i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
