she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
