i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
