ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
