im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
