Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
