We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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