can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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