Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
