They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
