I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
