I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
