I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
wow bdsm is so cute
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
