so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
