She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
