It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
