Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
