i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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