wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
