I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
