Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
