i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
