You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
