i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
