have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
