I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
