I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
