I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
