it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
