Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
