I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
