Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the condom got lost in my hair
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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