Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
