dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
