so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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