Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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