just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
