I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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