David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
