You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
