i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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