Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
