I'm gonna have a badass scar
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
