I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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